In and Out of Love
by Swordsman-Of-Lorelai
Summary: Starting at a rave and pressing into school, Roxas has to make decisions he thought were impossible! A... confusing mess. Roxas's heart learns its lessons fast because it has to. Hayner/Roxas and later AkuRoku!
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't remember if I wanted the sun to set, or if the fear was settling in faster. Sitting on the roof with Sora wasn't helping me relax, and it certainly wasn't helping my nerves. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. It wasn't like we were going to go and murder our teachers or kick any puppies. We weren't doing anything illegal, nor were we breaking rules; I had even asked my mother to go with that stupid redhead, my brother, and their weird friends! So then… why was my heart racing so hard? I sighed and slowly moved toward the ladder, dismissing myself and climbing down to the safe ground that was stable beneath my sneakers. Axel was going to be there… soon. And if I needed to change, for the thousandth time, I would have to do it then. I still couldn't decide on what I wanted to wear, and my indecisiveness was starting to kill me. Wandering to my room, I flipped the light on, looking into the tall, standing mirror.

Blond, spiky hair? Check. Slightly tanned skin? Check. Outfit…. I stared at myself for a long while, examining my black, skinny jeans, looking at each stitch in the white tank top I was wearing. Each drop of red splatter-paint received it's own glance, and I was suddenly glad that my eyes were so **fucking** blue. Because otherwise… I felt as if I would be tempted to look closer at everything. Sighing, I managed to tear myself away from the mirror, shaking my head slowly. I watched headlights move across the wall, and I cursed under my breath. Checking for my wallet and my phone, I walked outside.

"Roxy! Are you ready?" I could hear Axel's voice, and I was suddenly glad that the male's voice was so smooth, because I felt like I was going to pass out. I needed to stuff myself into that tiny little car of Axel's with at least five other people, not counting myself! It was going to suck… a lot. Sora was just landing on the ground near the ladder when Axel got out of his car to open the passenger door for me. I let my head tip to the side a bit.

"The front seat?" I questioned, a brow rising up in curiosity. Usually a girl sat in the front, someone's girlfriend because she didn't want to sit next to "pigs." Sora was pushing me into the seat, leaning across to buckle me in.

"Let's go, baby brother! I'm sure we'll have a **great** time!" Sora laughed, making sure I was strapped in before leaning back.

"**Baby?** We're the same age, you idiot. And get off- just- stop- get in the car!" I stammered, pushing his brother back. Sora let out a little laugh, wiping fake tears from his eyes, mostly fake because they weren't there, and Sora was being dramatic. I rolled my eyes and waited for Axel to just… shut the door. And once he did, I relaxed into the leather interior of Axel's car, or rather… his mother's car. But who gave a single shit?

The drive there felt long and stupid, mostly because it was full of stupid jokes, ones girls would have made faces at. I swore I only laughed… once, and it was at my brother's response to a dirty joke. And it really hadn't been that funny. Staring out the passenger window had been my main pastime, because I had nothing else to do unless I wanted to talk to Axel or the other guys, and that didn't really sound all that interesting. Well- talking to Axel always was, but not in front of his friends. Not here, like this.

I could see the flashing lights through the windows when we finally got there, and I wondered just how much alcohol lingered within the concrete walls. Probably way too much. It had been a while since I was last at one of these parties, these… raves. I didn't even notice that I was being pushed along, couldn't even remember that I had gotten out of the car in the first place. When had we gotten so close to the front door? Axel was right in front of me, and that was the first time I had noticed him…

His tall, lanky frame was covered with a long sleeve shirt, my favorite black one that hugged my friend's body in all the right places… And those red skinny jeans… damn, they held that ass nice. I didn't notice the way that I was biting his lip until I ran face first into Axel's back, lip hurting from my own teeth. Son of a –

"Roxy? You okay?" Axel yelled over the music, my ears hardly able to hear it. Nodding aggressively, I looked away, wondering how long my lips would hurt. That sucked! Fuck. There were little taps on my shoulder, and I looked over quickly, seeing blue eyes, just like my own. Sora… What a guy!

Honestly, Sora was the best brother that anyone could ask for, simply because he was always around, even when I didn't want him to be. At least that much was true. Even though I was sure that our parents loved us, I was never truly convinced that they really cared what we did- ever whether it was illegal, legal, nice, mean, rude, or even dangerous. Though Sora and I didn't drink, we hung out with a lot of people that did. We were often at parties, assigned the job of designated driver. Though we both had our licenses, we weren't supposed to have people in our cars just yet. I found myself staring at Sora, watching as he spoke but not really listening. And as if on cue, he cocked a brow and waved his hand in front of my face. What the hell? I took a small step back, focusing on his words that I could barely hear.

"Hello? Roxas! Come on, what are you doing?" he yelled over the music, raising his brows at me. A gasp rattled through me, and I found myself staring at him for another moment before shutting my eyes and shaking my head. What the fuck? I smacked myself lightly before stepping with him. His hand was on my arm until we got inside, where we broke apart and partied separately. That's how it was. We never liked to be around each other, just in case the other did something embarrassing. I liked to dance hard, and there was no other way to explain that.

Once we were apart, I started my moves. Usually, I just swung my hips and moved my hands a bit, just like tonight. I wasn't getting that crazy, because I had no one to dance with and there was no point. No one was dancing with me anyway. All the guys and girls from the car had scattered throughout the large, dirty, shit-hole room. I couldn't see Axel anymore, couldn't see anyone anymore. There was no point in looking, mostly because I really didn't want to look. Dancing alone was the best, because there were no distractions. I could feel the beat vibrating my sneakers, and the bass made my clothes dance against my skin.

With the beat pressing against my sneakers, my feet were tapping against the floor, my hips swinging. What I didn't expect was for someone to come up behind me and press against my body, stopping my more erratic motions and forming them into only my swinging hips. My face felt hot, but I didn't dare look over my shoulder or stop dancing. Hands were pressed against my hips, holding them gently, carefully. Most people didn't really… care for tender touches on the dance floor. I didn't really care about the fingers that pulled against my waist and hipbones; I just wanted to **dance**. What else was there at a party? It felt as though those hands were pulling me back, and I just let it happen, my body pressing into the one behind me.

That body was pressed against my own for quite a while, and I finally grew the balls to take a look, taking a deep breath before peering over my shoulder. In my mind, I had tried to make myself think that maybe it was just Sora messing with me or Axel deciding he wanted to hit this, but I saw another boy about my age with curly, brown hair a top his head. I found myself standing still, and his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes, shot to mine, cocking a brow.

My jaw hung slack. (He was hot!) Didn't I know this guy…? I felt my face contort in confusion and annoyance and his hands slip away, making me look at my waist. I hadn't wanted him to stop! Over the sound of the music, he screamed.

"Are you okay?!"

I was trying to find words when I saw his hands slip into his pockets, his shoulders shifting forward awkwardly. I swallowed and yelled back as loud as I could-

"I'm fine!" I offered a smile a moment later, my breath short and my cheeks hot because of how much effort I hot forced into those two syllables. A small, crooked smile crossed his lips, his hand reaching out to touch my side again. With his hands out of his pockets, I felt much better. It was strange to dance with someone in front of me, but I went with it, knowing that no one would see us, and even if they did… they wouldn't say anything.

With his arms looped about my waist, my arms up around his neck, we swayed and rubbed against one another, our bodies moving together with the beat and bass. It felt like a dream, a dream that I wished would never end. It felt like minutes later, but I could tell it was much longer because my legs felt like jelly. We both took a step away from each other, wiping the sweat from our faces as we tried to laugh off the disgust. In that minute though, as I was leaning in to talk to him a bit, because I didn't know his name or who he really was, Sora was at my arm again, pulling on it a bit to get my attention. Looking to him, I gave him the go-away-face, the I'm-busy-right-now face. He just returned it back to me and I shrunk. Though we were the same age, he was just a bit more intimidating, mostly because he actually took working out seriously… or more seriously than me anyway.

I waved goodbye to my dance King, a smile glued to my face as my brother pulled me back toward the exit/entrance. He waved back to me as we reached the door that lead back outside. People were stumbling and vomiting outside due to intoxication, but it all meant nothing to me, my head dizzy with longing and wonder. Packed back into the car, I was stuck in the backseat, because Sora had called dibs on the front, but I really didn't care about who's sweaty ass was next to mine, because… that had been the best night of my life.

Once home and naked in the shower, I had gotten a little overwhelmed by own thoughts and had to jerk one out, my body feeling even more weak than before. Shit. It was so good. I couldn't get that boy's face out of my head, and even though I had gone to sleep to try and force it all out, it didn't really work. I was lost in my dreams even, picturing his body against mine, imagining his eyes staring into mine. I needed to get a handle on this- fast.


	2. Chapter 2

I couldn't keep that night out of my head. Going back to school had really been a pain in the ass, mainly because I hated math and science and couldn't focus in the rest of my classes. Sora's eyes had basically burned a hole in the back of my head; it was weird feeling his gaze on me all the time, made my skin crawl. Despite the lame school week, the weekend was finally rolling around. And once the school day was over on Friday- I was **gone**.

Rushing home, I was quick to shower and change into something nice… Nice enough for a party anyway. I texted Axel while I put on a little makeup, checking it over again to make sure I covered each mark and blemish on my cheeks and forehead. Wearing makeup seemed to strange to others, but being a teenager with zits- yeah, that wasn't attractive. My phone buzzed loudly on the counter, and I was quick to pick it up and check it over. _Axel._

"_So, you're coming, right? Bring some food- or drinks if you can get your hands on them…" _There was a long pause, and I was starting to type back a reply when he sent another text, the phone dinging in my fingers. _"Or drugs, if you can." _A more wild party, huh? It felt weird seeing that on my screen, even though I wasn't surprised. People knew that I came from a "good" family that never did anything wrong. My parents didn't even drink, not a drop as far as I knew.

I stared at my phone for a bit, but I just bit my lip and prayed. Maybe I could get a hook up on the way; I'd have to walk anyway. I didn't want to drive home with alcohol in my system or anything, though I wasn't sure if I wanted to do anything. The rest of the time in the bathroom flew by, and before I knew it, it had been an hour since I had gotten that text. I needed to find something… and fast.

On the way down to Axel's house, I stopped at the liquor store and paid a man outside to hook me up with some things from inside. Even though I lost a bunch of cash, I was glad that I wasn't going to let anyone down. A deep sigh of relief ran through me as I continued down the road to the _party house._ Really, Axel's parents were out of town, and there was no reason to **not** have a party. We could have one at any time at any place, but it was a lot easier when there were no parents around.

With a quick knock to the door, I stepped inside. It was too early to start posting about the party on Facebook or anything, and I didn't dare text about it, but we could at least get ready. As I pulled the bottles of Jack out of the paper bag, I could hear light laughter and eventually… footsteps. I looked up when I heard the sounds in the kitchen, and I saw those green eyes flash to mine. _Axel._

"Hey, man. Damn, did you get that just today?" he asked as he stepped up beside me. I grinned from ear to ear and nodded excitedly. There was a small chuckle from him, and he moved quickly to introduce me to his friend… Saix. He didn't do much beside nod when the _nice-to-meet-yous_ rolled about. It felt awkward when… I was ignored like that. Usually, all of Axel's friends were so… **crazy**. "Anyway- uhm, I know that a few guys are bound to bring drugs, so be careful."

A warning. _Awesome._ I'd rather be warned than surprised. I wondered what kind of drugs for a moment, but he was dragging me to the living room, and I had no time to ask, nor did I really want to. We sat together on the couch until people started showing up. Axel and I were quick to turn on some _dancy_ music, mostly dubstep off of my phone. Glasses were taken down from the cupboards for the alcohol, though there were a few people drinking soda. _Designated drivers_. I could only guess.

I had been standing in the kitchen, watching a few guys rolling joints… when I heard the front door open again. Everyone in the room hesitated before all eyes went back to their work because it was just some lanky kid… with beautiful brown eyes. _The Dance King?_ I felt myself gasp and sort of choke on my water. Those eyes turned to me, and it made me jump and look away. Why was I acting so timid and nervous? I was the most outgoing person most people knew, but no! This guy was making my palms sweaty.

A moment later, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I knew before I did it… that I shouldn't have looked up, but of course I did! I really did it. My eyes met his, but he wore a large, dorky smile, and it made me even more nervous.

"Hey, man. What's up?" Did he not recognize me? _I know you_. It **was** the boy from the dance floor, but I pretended not to notice. It had been dark in the room when we first met, so maybe he wouldn't notice that it was me. That's what I was hoping for. It would have been embarrassing for him to notice who I was and want to dance; that wasn't something I normally did at parties like these. Even though the music was loud and the lights were off, it was still possible to see and hear.

"Uh, not much. How about you?" I asked, really trying to hide the fact that we had danced together. I watched his eyes dip down my body before meeting my eyes again. Was he checking me out? Did he know? Taking a small step back, he tensed all over and sort of chuckled.

"Same, I guess. I heard the music, so I thought I'd come check it out. Are you a DD? Or… just not a…" 

"Oh! Uh, I- I don't really… well, not much… I don't drink that much, really." _That sounded stupid! _Why couldn't I just keep my head on straight? He wasn't _that_ hot… okay, maybe he was, but I couldn't just say that out loud… could I? That would have been weird! Ugh, I was so annoyed by my thoughts, but I kept a small smile on, and I did it just right, knowing how to look cute because I'd practiced in the mirror.

The swoop of my hair looked good, and I knew that my clothes fit me well. I hadn't really planned on hooking up with anyone, _not that I ever had_, but I wanted to look good… if I did… somehow… _UGH_.

"Really? Haha, I mean, that's cool. I don't drink that much either, o-or smoke really… if that's what you meant." I don't know why, but my mind went back to when we had danced together, and I tried to keep a straight, nice face.

He seemed so much different. It wasn't a bad different; I don't think he could have a bad different, really. He was wearing a different outfit (obviously), but there was something else… I felt myself staring, and I watched his hands fumble with the bottom of his shirt.

"So, uuuuuh… What's your name? We never had the chance to ask… Oh! And I'm- uh… I'm Hayner." My name? Was this kid that innocent? There was no way! If he knew about this party- oh, wait. He'd heard the music. Maybe he was? I wasn't any less… innocent, but damn, really?

"Roxas." I let that hang in the air as I thought about his name. _Hayner. Hayner, the Dance King._ Honestly, I had expected something flashier, but Hayner worked for him. He seemed like a normal, basic guy, except for those eyes. Though brown was a normal eye color for people, there was something about his that absolutely made me melt. In those moments, I wished that mine were brown, just like his, rather than blue, like the ocean, blue like Sora's.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, Roxas? What are you doing here anyway? I didn't think you were much of a… _partier_." A partier? Well, I guess I wasn't really, but… I kind of was. We'd seen each other at the rave… hadn't that been enough evidence of my partying ways? But I suppose there was some truth to his doubt. I didn't drink, I didn't do drugs. I didn't do any of that, mostly because Sora expected so much better… or at least that's what I said.

"Uh, one of my friends is the host… asked me to bring some stuff over. No big deal… not really." There was no way I was about to tell Hayner that I had supplied alcohol at the party. Why would I have done that? I was **not** setting myself up for failure with such a cute boy. There was no way. I watched some kind of emotion cross his features before he laughed. What was that about? He stopped after just a moment to smile at me. Oh, _wow_. He was so handsome. What?

"Kind of you to do something like that. So… You supply the alcohol but don't indulge?" he asked, and with that, my face lit red. No one had ever questioned me about that. It was just an easy feat for me. My parents were rarely home, and one, it was easy to sneak out, and two, it was easy to sneak _stuff_ out. They never even noticed anyway, and if they did, they never said a word. With a little shrug, I turned to look out at the bodies moving together in the dark living room. Music was blasting from the speakers, but we weren't right next to them… not really.

"Yeah, I guess that's true." I didn't want to talk about my alcohol supply.

It's not like any of that had happened on purpose anyway. Axel had come to my house once, _once_, and demanded that I let him take the jack stored beneath the counter. At that time, I wasn't comfortable with that, and said no, but now I just brought it to him; he didn't drink anyway. There was no harm in getting things for the redhead…

"Uh… Sorry, was that a… sensitive topic?" Hayner asked, and I noticed his eyes rolling over me. There wasn't a whole lot to it. Axel always had my back, and I figured… I could do this much.

With a quick shake of my head, I leaned against the counter. "Not really, it's just… lame, I guess." It was stupid that I'd been doing this for him really. Anyone could have brought him drinks. All of his friends were rich, and their families didn't seem to care about how they spent the money. Lots of kids in the living room had Mustangs and fancy cars.

I was jealous. And maybe that was why I had agreed to do this for so long, hoping their money and lucky economy would rub off on me. That was an impossible idea though. What an idiot.

"That's not exactly what I had been expecting. But it makes sense. Roxas, wanna meet up tomorrow? Maybe lunch or something? You a morning person?" God, his _voice_ was so smooth. I couldn't believe that I was talking to someone like this. In reality, I never caught the eyes of cute guys. I always felt so… small, compared to Sora. Girls hit on him at every turn, and yet I practically had to offer sex for attention, not that I had ever gone as fat as to actually go through with it.

"Mornings are fine. I just need coffee." I allowed myself to smile, running my fingers through my hair. There was a small moment of silence, and I worried. Had I said something wrong? Did he not really like mornings?

"Sweet. I love coffee. With what kind of creamer?" he asked, leaning in as if were some kind of quiz. One eyebrow was cocked at me, and I couldn't help but stare back. Those eyes were just so… enchanting.

"Vanilla creamer, but-"

"**Pumpkin spice in the fall**," we said together, and I was a little surprised. We liked the same… creamer? What did that matter? Letting out a little laugh, I covered my mouth and leaned against the counter some more. I could hear him laughing beside me.

"I was worried for a second that you weren't going to like the same one. I was hoping to make you laugh. You seem tense compared to the night at the rave," he said, and it brought my laughing fit to an end. I did? I briefly wondered why before agreeing. Hayner definitely tweaked my actions out.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to seem so off. I… I'm really okay. I swear. Hayner, thanks."

"What did **I** do? I just had a feeling that we liked the same coffee…" An embarrassed smile crossed his lips and I couldn't stop from letting out a little snicker. His eyes flashed to me, and I stopped laughing instantly, until he started laughing too. There was something about Hayner that made me just- let loose.

We must have looked like freaks, standing in the kitchen, laughing loudly until our sides hurt. Before I knew it, I was leaning forward over the counter, slapping the counter with my palm, and he was standing with his hands on his hips, eyes watering. When we finally managed to relax and stop laughing, we just looked at one another, panting lightly. His face was so red, and I could only assume the same of my own.

"That was too good. And it wasn't even that funny." Hayner was watching me, I could just feel it. What was that about? I had no idea what was really going on in that head of head, mostly because I didn't think that I would be hooking up with him. I prayed he didn't think he was getting a piece… of this. "How about I walk you home now? It's getting late," he said lightly, raising his brows at me.

"Sure, but I live like… fifteen minutes away." It was a fairly long walk, but I had gotten used to it. I thanked the force for thin, fit legs.

"Okay, how about halfway then? The whole way seems like a lot," he said, smiling as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his sweater. I smiled and nodded. Halfway sounded perfect. I could walk most of the way myself, considering I had walked here on my own in the first place.

Once we were bundled up in our correct sweaters and scarves, he opened the door and let me leave first to lead the way. Hayner had been a lot nicer than I expected. I had assumed that he was some kind of player that just wanted my ass, but he seemed… legitimately nice. I was thankful for that. That kind of guy was rare in these parts, where kids just wanted to be jocks or marine biologists. I hated it.

We didn't say much until we hit the halfway point, the beach I crossed to get home. I had been staring out at the sea when I stopped. Hayner had stopped too, but I wasn't paying him much attention. "This is halfway," I explained, but I didn't say it on purpose. I would have liked him to walk me home, but I knew that was a lot to ask, especially because it was practically freezing.

"Okay, well… I'll see you around, Roxas. Tomorrow morning, meet me right here… ten o'clock work for you?" he asked, turning on his heels and looking over his shoulder. There was nothing I could do except for nod. Yeah, sounded perfect. Too bad I hadn't said that out loud. He was walking away when I finally convinced my legs to carry me home.

What luck I had. I had met Hayner, a cute, kind boy. A boy my parents might possibly like. They had never met any of the boyfriends I had had, because I had never wanted them too. They were smart, successful adults, with important jobs. Dad was the owner and President of the aquarium, one of the few reasons this little island was alive. And mom… mom was a doctor. And those things were important. It seemed like everyday people were asking to get assistant jobs with my parents, wanting to be interns so they could get a "strong" start. I always laughed, and that's what always managed to get me grounded.

I hadn't even noticed that I was home when I saw my porch light. I had covered a lot space! I sighed a little, a puff of white breath escaping my lips. Once up the steps, I went inside, not caring if anyone heard me. My parents weren't there anyway, and Sora slept like a rock- there would be no waking him up, no matter how hard I tried.

Escaping to my room, I collapsed onto my bed, sighing into the sheets. I had loved tonight. And the morning was only bring more luck and happiness. What a lucky son of a bitch I was.


End file.
